Love is funny. It comes in all different shapes and sizes. Sometimes it’s hard to find and sometimes it’s sitting right in front of you, waiting to be recognized.
Her bosom heaved at an alarming rate as his rough hand found its way don’t to her soft yet wiry briar patch…
Rosie Bloom, a twenty-three year old virgin who has been sheltered her whole life, attempts to write a romance novel but you can't exactly go around referring vaginas as peaceful pleasure gardens or calling a penis a meat sword, right? Her friends then suggest that she should go out to the world and explore, start dating and lose her V-card so that she could experience firsthand how sex feels and properly write it.
Things don't go successfully as expected though. Turns out that losing one's virginity is a lot harder than she thought.
See The Virgin Romance Novelist by Meghan Quinn in:
ARC received via Netgalley in exchange of an honest review but it didn’t affect my opinion about this book.
Thanks a lot, Meghan Quinn. My neighbors are going to really think that I am a witch all this time.
Boy, did I have fun reading this book. The Virgin Romance Novelist became one of the funniest stories I've read. Even though I did heed the warning to read this alone, I kept on guffawing in the wee hours in the morning in my room that it wouldn't be a wonder if people would start asking if I was a witch. (The walls are thin here and yes, it happened before. They actually asked my mom if I was one.)
It's been a while since I simultaneously grinned and cringed because of secondhand embarrassment brought by a heroine. As if that wasn't enough, I could oddly relate with her troubles and reactions.
I've never met a character as relatable and real as Rosie Bloom.
…They rest around in the dark, waiting to see the light, to be freed, only to be stuck, shoved and caressed in the dark once again.
Dicks are masochists.
They like to be plucked, tugged, slapped and swallowed.
Um…Perhaps to me at least. She reminded me so much of myself when it came to curiosity. Although she had an odd way of describing her experiences, they were surprisingly accurate. Her naivety when it came to the subject was not only hilarious to her roommates but also to me. Then watching her transition from this sheltered virgin who only saw penises through Googling and Tumblr to this woman who tried sating her sexual curiosity was utterly entertaining though there were some humiliating moments here and there…
“This just got weird,” he admitted.
No, buddy, shit got weird the minute your dick couldn't look me square in the eyes without me leaning over your lap to wink at him.
This book also demonstrated that sex and dating wasn't always hearts and flowers unlike how romance books portrayed them.
“The more I find out about this whole sex thing, the more I want to avoid it. It's supposed to hurt, even though books describe it as a ‘pinch’, you're apparently supposed to bleed everywhere—looking forward to that—and now you have to worry about cum falling out of you?”
Please note, doing it against a wall, not as easy as it's written. There's a lot of fumbling involved. Also, shower sex equals awkward as hell, especially when the shower head starts to drown you. Sex doggy style while lying over a couch, exhilarating, but watch out for queefing.
I was starting to wonder if this book was actually based on the author's own experiences.
While it was very fun to read about Rosie's various sexual attempts, Rosie's real love interest doesn't become clear until the 70% of the book. Normally I'd get annoyed if the hero didn't let himself know that he was the hero of the story. (He was just under her nose all this time!) But I didn't even notice that I was past halfway the story because of the giggling that was caused by either swoony or awkward moments with her previous dates.
If you're in the mood to read something cute and fluffy with no angst and with an HEA, then The Virgin Romance Novelist is what you're looking for.
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